


the small words

by fruti2flutie



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Lowercase, M/M, nonau w/ a twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:10:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8859355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fruti2flutie/pseuds/fruti2flutie
Summary: well, “moonbin the puppy-cat” has always sounded exceptionally fitting.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i debated whether or not to include EVERYTHING in the tags, but i've opted against it.......... i'll let most of this story be a mystery bc it's actually cliche as heck!!!! totally cliche!!!!!!!!!! what is originality!!!??!!! and i may seem calm now, but at the end notes i will be Yelling, so look forward to that :-) :-) :-)
> 
> forewarning: dongmin has mild anxiety & there is a scene where he has a breakdown, so if u want to skip over it it starts after he mcs for the first time and ends at the next scene. also this fic is a mess, i referred to kermit memes multiple times to describe my own emotions, pls google "kermit on fire" to understand

“he bit me!” cries myungjun, shrill and piercing, as he zooms around the dorm and through all the open doors, showing everyone the neat set of teeth marks on his wrist. “look at it! look! gah, what if i get _rabies_!?”

“calm down, hyung,” says minhyuk, who’s brushing his teeth outside the bathroom — jinwoo is inside, taking _forever_ , as per usual. he turns over myungjun’s arm, inspecting it, and lets out a chortle.

myungjun snatches his wrist back and sneers, “how can i stay calm!? i was bitten!” with every word his voice cracks, which dongmin can’t help but chuckle at while he washes dishes.

“by what?” inquires sanha, ever curious, perched on his top bunk and strewing half his body over it. “was it a rat? do we have rats?” myungjun, with disdain, points accusingly in the direction of dongmin and bin’s shared room.

“binnie did it! moon bin, that punk! ack, what if it scars!? my perfect skin!”

dongmin, chores finished, comes out of the kitchen to comfort myungjun, patting the top of his head and cooing, “there, there, hyung.” although he means well myungjun doesn’t appreciate it very much.

“you were bitten by a _member_ , not a wild dog,” minhyuk says. “you’re not gonna die. imagine if sanha bit you while he still had his braces on! _that_ would be tragic.” sanha pouts.

“it’s the _principle_ of the thing,” retorts myungjun.

“jinwoo hyung!” calls sanha, whiningly. “make the noise _stop_.”

astro’s leader emerges from the bathroom, all eyes on him. “uh.” his face is blank, borderline confused, as he puts his hands up and says tepidly, “stop.”

minhyuk snickers as he pushes past him, and all myungjun can remark is, “this is pitiful.”

the man of the hour comes out of his room, wearing a loose tank and those thick-framed glasses, clinging onto the doorframe like a kid after getting caught sneaking cookies before dinner. “goodnight, everyone,” bin announces. “and sorry, myungjun hyung. i didn’t mean to do it so hard.”

myungjun’s heart melts a bit, because bin sounds devastatingly apologetic. the younger member is starting to look like a kicked puppy. “don’t do it again,” myungjun warns. “okay? promise me.” bin nods and returns to his room. “gosh, that kid...” myungjun sighs and retires to his room as well.

having already washed, dongmin goes back to his bedroom. bin is in his bunk above him, breathing softly. he’s not sleeping just yet, because dongmin knows how loud bin snores. out of courtesy, dongmin turns off the lights and crawls under his covers.

“binnie,” dongmin says, pulling at a loose thread on his pillow, “why’d you bite myungjun hyung?”

there’s a quiet lull. bin makes a small noise of affirmation as he turns over. “i do it to people i like,” he proclaims, almost embarrassed.

dongmin smiles to himself. “so _that’s_ why you bit hyung.” it sounds funnier when he says it aloud.

“mm,” bin says, tired.

“did you bite the other members yet?”

“mm.”

“the manager?”

“mm,” bin murmurs, and now he sounds like he’s whining.

“have you bitten me yet?” dongmin asks, then, as a playful jab. he knows bin has, but he wants to hear bin answer.

bin goes silent for longer this time, and dongmin wonders if he’s fallen asleep, but the creaking of the bed tells him otherwise. “mm,” he says. “everyone i like.”

it sounds different from when he’d first said it, more weighted with something unknown, but dongmin doesn’t prod. he curls into his sheets, closes his eyes, and murmurs, “goodnight,” hoping bin can hear him.

——

they’re all in the waiting room at m countdown, eating from their lunchboxes. myungjun had swerved left and right earlier while managing ddoca, narrating boisterously, and after some scolding from their stylists he’d put the camera down so the members could eat in peace. dongmin is finishing up his box, while currently jinwoo is attempting to scold bin’s peculiar eating habits.

“you _have_ to eat your veggies.”

“don’t wanna,” grumbles bin, mouth full of rice, stuffing another slice of beef past his lips. “meat’s better, hyung.”

myungjun empties his lunch box into his mouth and sets it aside, relaxing on the couch and chiding, “he’s a kid, i’m telling you! how can you be so picky? food is food.”

“ _you_ ’re a kid,” bin retorts childishly. minhyuk snorts. “i’m not eating them.” for emphasis he shoves his vegetables to one side of the lunchbox, only focusing on his meat and rice.

dongmin, who is across the room from them, is a little annoyed with bin’s behavior. “moon bin,” he calls, and bin jerks his head at his name. there’s a grain of rice stuck to his lip, but dongmin is too far to wipe it away. he ignores it. “are you seriously going to waste food like that? arohas prepared it for us. what would they say if they saw you neglecting your vegetables?”

bin stares, but then ducks his head and grumbles, “okay, fine.” a piece of cabbage makes its way into his mouth, with an added grimace.

“good job, moonbin hyung!” sanha cheers. he nudges bin’s shoulder. “man, you only listen to eunwoo hyung. how come?”

the question gets the attention of most of the room, even dongmin, but bin just hides his face as his ears burn red. “jinjin hyung is too short to take seriously!” he exclaims, and everyone bursts into laughter. when he picks his head back up he’s chuckling, too, and dongmin is smiling at him.

“he still has rice on his face,” dongmin murmurs to himself, amused, but barely a second afterwards bin hurriedly wipes his mouth and glances briefly at him. _did he hear me?_ they share a look, but again dongmin says nothing.

a staff member pokes her head into their waiting room. “astro! you’ve got ten minutes until standby!” she announces.

“you guys heard that?” says jinwoo. “gobble down those lunches! we have an exciting stage to perform that’ll leave the audience _breathless_!”

myungjun nearly jump-kicks him for the pun.

——

bin has always been strange, even before astro’s debut. when dongmin had met him they had been in the practice room, alone, and bin had only spoken a handful of words to him — “nice to meet you” and “yeah” was the range of their conversation. it was pretty awkward.

dongmin was new, straight out of his audition, while bin was a “fossil,” a trainee for years at fantagio. initially, dongmin had thought bin was one of the shy trainees, only in the idol world because he’d been in the entertainment business already. (moon bin was a child actor! he had played the younger version of a character in _boys over flowers_ and appeared in dbsk’s “balloons.” that immediately impressed dongmin, whose resumé only consisted of walking his neighbor’s dog for a summer.)

it turned out that no, that wasn’t the case — moon bin was only quiet around him. when dongmin saw bin around the practice room or school he’d be laughing or joking with other trainees their age, smile wide and voice high. but when he laid eyes on dongmin he’d shut his mouth, avoid his eyes, and act as if they’ve never interacted prior. dongmin was a little disappointed because he was able to get along with everyone at fantagio... except for bin. why was that?

actually, dongmin still doesn’t know.

eventually things got better between them, after other trainees like minhyuk and jinwoo hung out with them in groups, and dongmin stood next to bin during practices. dongmin could then on see that gorgeous smile up close, so pure and radiating. bin grew attached to dongmin, without warning, and clicked so unbelievably well with him — the opposite also being true. it was like there had been no tension at all, and dongmin found a best friend in moon bin, someone to confide in and someone to comfort when the days got tough.

it... it was like bin was his other half. moon bin knew when dongmin needed him, even if he was across the hall or on another floor. bin became dongmin’s shoulder to lean on, hand to hold. the times inside the classrooms had them stealing glances at one another, giggling about everything and nothing all at once, like there was some secret that they hid together. dongmin felt that, honestly, bin was the one who he could envision a future with — one with or without a k-pop group. that was something dongmin didn’t realize at the time, because he couldn’t put the feelings into words.

and then astro happened. astro was created by their ceo, one fateful day, calling the six of them to his office and explaining what was to come. kim myungjun, park jinwoo, lee dongmin, park minhyuk, moon bin, and yoon sanha. all of them were getting their chance. (everyone cried.)

they moved out of the trainee dorms and into one for the members of astro and their newly appointed manager. they ate together, practiced together. dongmin learned to trust them more than he trusted himself. language classes, acting lessons, new choreography, vocal training. so much went into astro, albeit a debut date. dongmin was frightened, but bin was— bin was almost always there for him.

when bin wasn’t there with dongmin it was because he disappeared. it happened a lot, at least once a month — and it still happens regularly. none of the instructors gave him a hard time for missing, meaning he must have a legitimate reason. sometimes he’d say something about going back home for a while, other times no one knew even after dongmin inquired, “has anyone seen binnie?” the trainees may have overheard him leaving in the night, but that was it. and it was almost customary bin would be gone without a trace and return like nothing had happened, like dongmin wasn’t worrying alone in his room for the younger boy to come back safely.

back then it was hard being in love with moon bin, dongmin discovered. the strangest part about bin was how easily he gave love away. dongmin knew that bin loved his family, his friends, the manager, his members. it was so easy to tell. he took from sanha’s lunchbox, let minhyuk fall asleep on his lap, squeezed myungjun into a tight embrace, looped his arm into jinwoo’s. and then he’d meet dongmin’s gaze and smile, and dongmin was still in love and bin didn’t love him the same. (that’s what dongmin told himself, anyway, because he feared rejection more than acceptance in a world of slim chances.)

being in love with a member is blasphemous. it’s been months since astro debuted, so at the very start dongmin had to push down those problematic feelings like old memories tucked away in a shoebox. he pretends they don’t exist, pretends they don’t matter. it had been especially difficult during _to be continued_. dongmin had to try to keep his heart from racing as he acted with bin, his counterpart, the edgy bad boy to his strict teacher’s pet character. the chemistry was on screen and off, albeit like a one-sided reaction.

nowadays, it’s weird. dongmin catches bin staring at him a second too long while the cameras are on, making him feel like lee dongmin instead of cha eunwoo. it’s a gaze that makes dongmin flustered, butterflies fluttering in his stomach, and the palms of his hands sweat. he tries to ignore the feeling of bin’s eyes when they’re on him, and for the most part it works.

moon bin is strange. dongmin thinks he’s a little strange, too.

——

astro will be doing a special stage, performing a classic k-pop song from the 90s. they’ve been practicing it ever since _breathless_ promotions ended, but there are still hiccups in the performance. the dance is hard to get a solid grasp of, given its old style, and the members get tongue-tied with the lyrics far too often. they’re in the dance room until late in the night, and when they finish the manager has the van running outside to bring them back to the dorm.

myungjun, bin, and jinwoo are talking to ddoca fastened on wall, telling the camera of their day and how tiring but worth it the practice is. bin shoves at myungjun when his comments get too greasy, jinwoo snickering. sanha and minhyuk are pulling on their hoodies and hats, chatting about the choreography. dongmin is holding open the door, shivering when a cold breeze hits him.

“are we going? manager is waiting!” dongmin exclaims. the members file out one by one: jinwoo, myungjun, minhyuk, sanha, and bin.

bin stops in front of dongmin, though, and holds something out to him. “eunwoo,” he says, because even though they’re not in frame the camera is still rolling and he’s _cha eunwoo_. “your jacket.”

dongmin takes it and looks at bin curiously. “how did you know it’s mine?” it’s not a special jacket. it’s black, worn out, and dongmin is sure there are three other versions of it at the dorm.

“smells like you.” bin smiles cheekily. “cha eunwoo.”

there’s no doubt dongmin is blushing. sanha is staring at the exchange, having paused a few steps from the door, with a puzzled expression on his face. dongmin takes the jacket and starts walking. “what does that even mean?” he says, trying to laugh it off. “what do i smell like?”

bin bites his bottom lip. “you just—” all the members climb into the van, one after another, and he settles in the back with minhyuk and sanha. dongmin is in the row in front of them, with myungjun and jinwoo, and is anticipating bin’s reply. “it’s you.”

“thanks, binnie. i guess.” dongmin slips his arms through the sleeves, warming up immediately.

minhyuk marvels, “your nose is no joke, binnie hyung. how can you do that? are you even human?”

bin laughs, and jinwoo proceeds to bark at him like he’s trying to communicate in dog language. myungjun makes faces throughout the car ride, sanha adding in his signature pout, and dongmin watches on fondly. he notices how quiet bin gets, though, like his smile is forced and he’s not truly engaged with the rest of them.

dongmin tries to dismiss that heavy weight in his gut. maybe he’s overthinking it. maybe he’s looking into something that’s not there. (or maybe he’s not, and maybe something is legitimately wrong with astro’s moonbin that the other boy refuses to disclose.)

——

a few nights after jacket incident, dongmin wakes up to the sound of bin whimpering. above him, the tossing and turning gives indication of bin’s restless, fitful sleep. it’s happened before — dongmin has witnessed and calmed him back in their trainee days. dongmin swings his legs out of bed and climbs up the ladder, carefully maneuvering himself into bin’s bed.

“hey,” he whispers, laying a hand on bin’s shoulder. the younger boy jolts his eyes open, gasping desperately, and dongmin swiftly settles beside him and soothes, “i’m here. shh, binnie, it’s me. it’s dongmin.”

bin stares at him, quiet. nothing is said. eyes glazed, mouth barely parted, it’s like he’s in a trance. dongmin’s cheeks color pink, mostly because he’s so close to bin, so close that he can count bin’s eyelashes. so close that he can feel the breath between them, so close that he can sense bin’s radiating heat, so close that dongmin could—

all of a sudden dongmin is flipped onto his back, bin hovering over him and pinning his wrists above his head. it’s not enough to hurt, but it’s enough to elicit a yelp from dongmin, staring incredulously at his best friend. bin, whose body temperature regularly runs hot, burns dongmin’s skin at the touch. unaffected by dongmin’s response, bin’s hair falls in front of his eyes, which have gained an eerie, golden glow. it’s as if bin has flipped a switch to a mega-watt bulb shining from his irises. he holds dongmin’s gaze, focusing, fading, faltering. bin’s shirt droops low, the dip of his collarbones visible against the low light.

dongmin dares himself to breathe, “bin?”

and that’s all it takes for bin’s grip to loosen, his eyes returning to coffee-colored brown, as he hastily retreats back on his heels. “s-sorry, i didn’t mean to,” he stammers, voice shaking. “sorry, dongmin, i’m. i shouldn’t have—”

before he can finish he cuts himself off and scrambles out of bed, rushing through the door, into the darkness. dongmin doesn’t follow him, because there a million thoughts trying to be made sense of in his head. because he doesn’t know if bin wants to be found. because he might be chasing after a dream that’ll dissipate if he comes too close. a dream that’ll slip through his fingers, forgotten.

bin leaves, and dongmin stays, as confused as can be, hiding his blushing face in his hands, heart racing, taking an eternity to find sleep.

——

bin isn’t in the dorm when dongmin awakens in the morning, bright and early. still curled in bin’s blanket, dongmin rises — nearly banging his head on the ceiling, _why is it so low_ — and makes to check his own bed, the living room couches, and the kitchen. he even checks the other members’ rooms, careful not to disturb them. no moon bin in sight. (manager isn’t in his room either, and that doesn’t make dongmin feel better in the slightest.)

nervousness can be momentarily sated by eating, so dongmin treats himself to breakfast to take his mind off it. he’s had three packages of bread and is in the middle of opening another when myungjun drowsily stumbles out of his room, rubbing his eyes.

“oh, dongmin, you’re awake already?” dongmin nods. “cool. i’m going to wake all the kids.”

dongmin knows that myungjun’s version of waking the other members is essentially falling onto their sleeping bodies, singing songs from their newest album off-key, and waiting for them to get annoyed and push him off. it doesn’t take long, three tries at most, but dongmin knows myungjun will be confused when he sees bin’s empty bed. hopefully myungjun won’t worry as much as dongmin is right now.

when everyone is awake, stretching and yawning, bumping into the walls and one another, dongmin wanders around the living room, unsure of what to do. he’s lost, without bin, knowing what had happened in the night and how it hasn’t been addressed. he sits on the couch, fiddling with his thumbs, and waits for... well. he really doesn’t know.

after peering his head into dongmin and bin’s room, minhyuk goes to the kitchen and takes out a bottle of juice from the fridge. “where’s binnie hyung? not here?” he asks to no one in particular, unscrewing the lid and taking a sip. “did he tell anyone he was leaving?”

“you know he runs off a lot,” jinwoo reminds. he scratches his chin and shrugs. “manager hyung’s not here either, so maybe they’re together. who knows.”

sanha hums as he pours himself an extra large serving of sugar-frosted cereal. “more breakfast for me,” he sings cheerily, dumping more than enough milk in his bowl to be considered safe from spillage. myungjun cries when the liquid drips down the sides.

jinwoo plops next to dongmin and punches his shoulder. “hey, why do you look so bummed, cha eunwoo? there’s no schedule until noon!”

dongmin is well aware. he’s been looking forward to the rare free-time for weeks, but now it feels wrong to be relaxed — except he can’t tell jinwoo that. he musters a smile. “i couldn’t sleep well,” he admits truthfully.

“if that’s the case, go back to bed. we’ll wake you when it’s time to get ready. we’ll make sure manager doesn’t bother you, too, if he comes back. he’ll be busy worrying about binnie anyway.”

“i’m fine,” dongmin declares. he knows jinwoo is trying to make him feel better, but because of that he’s reminded of bin, the incident in the night, and wants to roll himself in a ball. “i’m going to study my english notes.”

“getting ready for kcon, are we?” myungjun croons. “of course, our dependable cha eunwoo.”

“he has to be even better than how he was during after school club!” sanha exclaims, waving around his spoon. “dongmin hyung is in charge of all that!”

dongmin bites his lip and nods. of course, he has to be better. sanha is right. they’re all right. he’s becoming the face of the group, almost unwillingly, and no matter how much that scares him he has to show his best side. that’s what he signed up for, being a k-pop idol. he needs to study english, start japanese lessons, learn other groups’ choreography, work on his acting, re-do his signature, write lyrics for the next album—

“dongmin?”

snapping back to reality, dongmin plasters on a wide smile to show to jinwoo, who holds onto his shoulder and frowns. “yeah? what is it, hyung?”

jinwoo stares at him. stares. “take a nap,” he says, with the tone of voice he uses when he tells them to stop goofing off in the practice room. “seriously.”

“hyung, i told you, i’m—”

the front door opens, and everyone turns to see their manager and bin, wrapped in a long orange sweater that’s most definitely not his own. manager doesn’t look happy, and bin is a total wreck. bin’s hair looks like it’d been victim to a tornado, and his face has random scratches and dirt marks all over it.

“oh my gosh,” myungjun says, rushing to manager and bin, “what happened? are you okay? binnie, what’d you do?” he grabs onto bin’s forearms, worried, and bin bows and shakes his head.

“we’ll need you all to sit down,” manager announces, and the members aside from bin join dongmin and jinwoo on the sofa. bin stands in the same position, hands clasped behind his back like he’s awaiting punishment. “our moon bin—” manager stops and sighs. he nudges bin. “it’d be better if you said it.”

it’s a little too much to say dongmin had been suspicious, so he settles for having a hunch — a nagging feeling in the back of his head that’s been telling him something’s amiss in their rookie group. how could he have known it was about moon bin? of course he prepares for the worst possible scenarios: bin has a leg injury and can’t dance ever again; bin is leaving the group and has to pack his suitcase; bin has gotten caught in a dating scandal and is under dorm arrest. all of the possibilities are giving dongmin anxiety, for more reasons than one, and he just wants bin to spit it out already before he implodes.

“i’m... a werewolf.”

dongmin takes everything back. out of every scenario that had come to mind, every horrible thing that could’ve come out of bin’s mouth, _that_ was definitely not on his list. he, like the rest of astro, is stunned into silence. bin still has his head hung, but once he looks up dongmin can see the fear residing in his eyes. dongmin wants to hug him.

“excuse me?” jinwoo draws out slowly, like a decade-old computer processing windows 10 for the first time. “did i just hear that correctly? did that— uh, what did i just hear? was i the only one who heard that?”

minhyuk slaps jinwoo upside the head, not hard enough to inflict pain but impactful enough to remind him that he’s 1) minhyuk’s hyung, what the _heck_ , and 2) not having a fever dream.

“i said—” bin scratches his cheek, looking everywhere but at his members, “—i’m a werewolf.” manager pats him on the back.

“you’re kidding,” blurts myungjun. he lets out a high-pitched laugh, hysterical, mouth agape. “oh my gosh, this is absurd!”

sanha, the least bothered of them all, mentions, “the full moon _was_ yesterday, i think.” he purses his lips, and bin looks at him, hopeful. “this would explain a whole lot. if you think about it.”

“but werewolves... aren’t real,” dongmin murmurs. he doesn’t meet bin’s gaze that he feels trained on him, opting to stare intently at his hands in his lap. “they’re make-believe, like fairies and vampires. fantasy. fiction. they don’t exist.”

“on the contrary,” manager starts, “werewolves are, in fact, very real. i don’t want to have to say this, but bin can prove it.” he looks at bin, expectant, but the boy timidly shakes his head. “okay, well, i can vouch for him.”

after a pause, minhyuk asks the million-dollar question: “what does that make of us? of astro?”

manager answers, “the company heads already know, if that’s what you’re getting at. hey, don’t look so surprised.” sanha apologizes for his exaggerated gasp. “nothing is going to change. we keep the same schedule, the same routine. bin wanted to get it off his chest, because it’s been bothering him for so long, which is very brave of him. and now we all know.”

“hyung, how long have _you_ known?” jinwoo inquires. “is this a secret?”

manager scratches his head. “yes, i suppose. i’ve known since bin entered fantagio, because i’ve had experience with werewolves before and i was assigned to care for him. and then i became astro’s manager.”

“ooh,” myungjun and jinwoo chorus. minhyuk and sanha act like giddy schoolboys (which they are) as they whisper amongst themselves. dongmin is still trying to wrap his head around the whole situation, and when he looks at bin again bin tugs at the hem of his sweater.

“don’t tell anyone,” bin pleads, wetting his lips. “it’s— it’s sort of a secret, yeah. i’d be in huge trouble if anyone else found out. only a couple people from fantagio know, plus my family and pack.”

“your _pack_?” gushes sanha, eyes wide, rosy cheeks glowing. he’s having way too much fun with this. bin nods, shy.

“you can pester bin with questions _later_ ,” manager says. “right now he needs to wash up and have breakfast. as do all of you, actually. we’re leaving in an hour, are we clear?”

“yes, sir!”

when bin goes into his bedroom to grab clothes, dongmin trails behind him and stops at the door frame. “binnie,” he says, and he struggles to form the words he’s been aching to say when bin looks at him, waiting, patient. “ah, binnie, i’m sorry for—”

“don’t mention it.” bin grins. “i’m sorry, too.” he brushes past dongmin to get to the bathroom, and dongmin can’t help but feel like he’s missing something.

——

dongmin’s notebooks, which hold the information he’s gathered on the celebrities he meets, allow him to relieve loads of pent-up stress from all the pressure he’s put on himself. doing research calms him down, aids in quelling his worries. nearly every time he appears on a new show he has to procure one to show off his notes and how thorough he is in his findings. there are at least four notebooks, of varying colors and sizes, tucked behind his pillow specifically for this reason. sometimes, when he can’t sleep, he’ll make more notes and won’t stop until his hand tiredly drags off the page.

there’s also one other notebook, pocket-sized and covered in stickers, that’s dedicated to his members. instead of the research he normally does through search engines and pann articles, dongmin gets his information firsthand and never brings it out in public. each member has a whole section to himself, with trivial facts (birthdays, blood types, favorite color, etc.) to small details (myungjun calls his family every night, sanha needs extra tutoring sessions for geometry, minhyuk can fall asleep at any place or in any position, etc.). he’s constantly adding new notes as they continue their journey as a team.

there’s already so much that fills bin’s pages. bin loves dancing, loud beats that flood through the speaker system. bin always eats the meat before the rest of his food, starkly against saving the best for last. bin likes tank tops, likes shirts with english phrases he doesn’t know the meaning of, likes soft fabric and baggy pants. bin has a high body temperature, hot skin that steams under layers of clothing. bin is dongmin’s best friend, partner-in-crime, shoulder to lean on.

and now, dongmin adds _werewolf_ as a bullet point under all the rest. after the day’s schedule, bin had told them about how he was born into a werewolf family, is a member of a pack consisting of family and close friends and relatives. no, sanha, he doesn’t terrorize villages, but he _does_ have the ability to transform into a wolf. there are other things, too, but he falls asleep in the van before revealing anything else.

if dongmin is being truthful, not much changes after bin’s Big Reveal. they complete the promotions for the summer, travel to the states for kcon. all of them marvel at the country, the famous burgers, the beaches. bin plays pokémon go nonstop, dongmin gets obsessed taking snapshots. everything works out well, and when they come back to korea they return to the practice room, preparing for their seoul concerts at the end of august.

the full moon of the month passes like rushing water, and bin tells them the day before that he’ll be gone. and that’s that. (sanha asks what he does, and bin tells him that he looks for potential spots to bury a tall maknae’s bones. sanha doesn’t ask again after that.) bin’s disappearance is one of the few indications of his werewolf-ness. above average stamina, high internal body temperature, cravings of meat, and heightened senses of smell and hearing are others that he’s mentioned. he’s the moon bin they all know and love, now with meaning behind his actions.

but dongmin _knows_ there’s a piece of the puzzle that doesn’t quite fit — he just doesn’t know _where_ or _which_. it’s baffling! why is everyone taking this all in a stride? as if bin’s unprecedented news equates to sanha telling them he can’t sleep without his baby blanket. it’s _different_! he’s not exactly a “see it to believe it” type, but isn’t it odd? or is he overreacting?

dongmin tries his best to act normally around bin, but he’s having a hard time. not only does he have to hide his affections, he also has to hide his doubts. juggling the two are like one in the same — he avoids bin at times, tries not to stare too long at bin’s profile, wonders where exactly bin goes when the full moon comes.

dongmin loves bin, that’s an irrevocable fact, but can he say with conviction that bin is truly a werewolf? that— that he’s not so sure. (well, “moonbin the puppy-cat” _has_ always sounded exceptionally fitting.)

——

“i want answers!” demands sanha, banging his fist on the table. he winces, because that hurt more than he’d meant it to.

the rest of the members, who are calmly eating an instant dinner with him, don’t even look up from their chopsticks. this is one of the rare times they’re able to sit down and eat. the concerts are in a little under a week, and the hardcore practices don’t start until tomorrow. myungjun and jinwoo, with manager stuck in a late night meeting, have graced the dorm inhabitants with their delectable and priceless cheesy ramen.

“you’re gonna have to be specific, maknae,” jinwoo hums.

“i want answers from astro’s dancer and vocalist moonbin.” sanha gulps when bin narrows his eyes at him. “moonbin hyung. i’m asking binnie hyung.”

mouth full, bin chuckles, “i can give you anything from lia kim’s choreography to bts facts. you name it. i have a lot to say on either end.”

sanha puffs out his cheeks. “i want to know about _werewolves_. geez, is that so much to ask?”

everyone freezes. all eyes turn to bin, who has a piece of kimchi dangling from his lips. he coughs, swallowing down his bite and licking his lips. “there’s... a lot to know,” he says. “uh, where should i start?”

myungjun has a mischievous glint in his eye. he uses an obnoxiously cute voice as he crows, “when a mommy werewolf loves a daddy werewolf very much—”

“how about _no_ ,” interrupts bin, red-faced, and jinwoo hides a snort into his fist. “i’ll tell you about the hierarchy first.”

“i think i know about that. i saw a wolf documentary once,” minhyuk says. “wait, is that offensive? oh, geez, am i being specist? hyung, my bad.”

bin laughs loudly, and dongmin revels in the sound. “relax! animalistic wolf dynamics are similar, but they don’t apply as much to us. we don’t have alphas, betas, or omegas per se, but we do have an order. the strongest of the pack is the leader, and everyone has to follow their word. right now it’s my dad, but everyone in the pack has an equal opportunity to have a battle of strengths to take on the role.”

“could you do it?” sanha asks eagerly. “could you be the leader?”

“yes and no.” bin hesitates. “it’s tradition for whoever the leader is to have a mate, too.” sanha and minhyuk stare blankly at him. “that means... they imprinted and mutually agreed to the bond.”

“now you’re just saying words,” myungjun scoffs. “explain yourself.”

“imprinting is—” bin glances at dongmin, possibly to check if he’s listening intently like the rest of them, “—a choice that your soul makes as a werewolf. you can’t change it, but you’d never want to anyway. it’s love, romantic or platonic. you always want to be with that person, have their attention, be at their side. it’s a forever.”

“that’s deep,” sanha marvels, grinning. “so how does that work? do werewolves only imprint on other werewolves? can you mix between species? does it happen after you’ve known them a long time? or does it just hit you suddenly — like _wham_?”

bin bites his lip, cheeks pink. “it feels like... both? like, you’ll see them and... you’ll just know. like suddenly you don’t know who you were until you met them, because nothing else matters and every day after that is new.” he pauses. “and, for the most part, werewolves imprint other werewolves.”

again, it’s minhyuk who asks the hard-hitting questions. “so what if you imprint on a human? is it the same?”

bin’s eyes go wide. “then... it gets complicated,” he says with a nervous laugh. “werewolves can sense one other, can literally tell what the other is thinking. the bonds created between werewolves are so easily woven because there’s this unexplainable connection we have. it’s not even exclusive to your imprinted — werewolves can just _feel_ each other. imprinted werewolves experience it tenfold, like they’re actually a part of each other.

“it’s an entirely different experience with humans. you don’t know their feelings. you can’t know _them_ , because our minds aren’t spiritually compatible. it doesn’t work out. plus, there’s a lot of burden that comes with imprinting on humans, for both parties involved. more often than not, humans are the ones who leave the relationship — because they can, because it’s a choice for them. that’s why werewolves who imprint on humans normally go unbonded and unrequited, or they are loved and then heartbroken.”

“whoa,” jinwoo says. “sounds harsh.”

“i’ll bet,” dongmin mutters under his breath, and he immediately regrets it. there’s one person who’ll always hear, and dongmin tries not to think of bin reacting to his comment, if he reacts at all.

the mood becomes considerably lighter when sanha raises the next question: “can _i_ turn into a werewolf?” jinwoo nearly chokes on his ramen laughing. myungjun teases him for a bit, minhyuk playfully wondering aloud how sanha is so immature. oddly enough, bin replies seriously, “well, if i bite you hard enough, maybe,” and dongmin, briefly sharing a look with him, bursts into a fit of giggles.

——

there are a few days before the first concert. thirty-one hours, to be precise. dongmin can count down the minutes, if he wants to, but that’s more anxiety-inducing. watching the analog clock above the ceiling-high mirrors tick, tick, tick — dongmin can’t tell if it’s calming him down or stressing him out, but he does it anyway.

right now it’s almost two a.m., and practice is still going strong.

“i can feel my spine,” sanha says faintly, hoodie strings pulled taut with the hood over his head, staring intensely at his reflection. “it’s like... an al dente noodle.”

moderately strong.

“okay, guys, ten minute break,” jinwoo declares as he lifts the snapback from his head to wipe the sweat off his forehead. the members collapse onto the ground at his word, groaning.

“make it fifteen,” whines myungjun, kicking his legs into the air.

“fifteen minute break,” jinwoo amends instantly. dongmin laughs, because astro’s leader is always a pushover at times like this.

whenever they have breaks in between practice, they mostly spend the time lazing on the ground. music plays in the background, softly, songs off minhyuk’s playlists. they regain energy by doing nothing, letting their muscles and bones have a rest.

dongmin stays in the corner, on his back, trying his best not to fall asleep. he can’t stop yawning, and he makes sure it doesn’t show to the others — fatigue is contagious. he looks across the room and is taken aback when he sees bin staring at him, arms pillowing his head. drowsily, he waves and shows off a grin. bin waves back, a small gesture, and then quietly crawls his way over to dongmin’s side, lying beside him.

bin has never done this before, so dongmin is unsure of how to act. he can feel the heat coming off bin’s body, like being next to a bonfire on a cool summer evening. it’s that feeling of comfort that drives him to carefully reach over and place his hand in bin’s hair, slick with sweat. bin leans into the touch, exhales, and dongmin continues. petting, sifting, and even letting his fingertips scratch behind bin’s ear and neck. bin does a pleased rumble in the back of his throat, and dongmin wonders if that could be the wolf in him.

in no time, jinwoo is clapping his hands together and announcing, “back to practice!”

dongmin removes his hand from bin’s hair and stands, and so do the rest of the members. stretch one arm, stretch the other. sanha touches the mirror, whispering nonsensical things to his reflection, until minhyuk pulls him away to get into formation.

when practice ends half an hour later, astro gets into the van to go back to the dorm. bin falls asleep on dongmin’s shoulder, and dongmin lets himself get a moment of shut-eye alongside him.

——

before calling it a night dongmin drinks a cup of warm milk. the other members are already in bed, snoring. he hasn’t been able to fall asleep easily, so he tries to relax as much as he can before climbing under the covers. he sits on the couch, watching astro’s past performances on his phone, propped on the table, sipping at his mug.

bin comes out of the room holding a chicago bulls snapback, dressed in a jacket and sweats, and startles at the sound of the live stage for _fireworks_ playing on dongmin’s phone. “oh, you were out here?” he says, pushing up his glasses.

dongmin nods. he takes a moment to think of where bin could possibly be heading at this ungodly hour, but then he remembers earlier in the day, in the middle of getting their makeup done for a photoshoot, bin telling them it’s the full moon tonight. casually. everyone had been scrambling, so it must’ve gone through dongmin’s ears.

“are you leaving now?” he asks, and bin gives him a small smile. dongmin clutches his mug tighter. “ah, be safe, binnie. make sure you zip your jacket tight. it’s cold out there.”

at every word bin nods his head, turning the snapback over in his hands. he heads to the door and takes out his shoes. after he’s pulled them on, along with his hat, he stands still with his hand on the handle. dongmin watches out of the corner of his eye, waits for bin to leave, but to his surprise bin turns to him and asks, “do you wanna come with me?”

dongmin’s face must show his bewilderment at the proposition, because bin hastily adds, “we won’t be going far. just on the outskirts of town. there’s a forest reserve that’s only twenty minutes by bus.”

“what about your pack? are humans allowed to...?” dongmin doesn’t want to think about being surrounded by werewolves — _if_ werewolves exist, that is.

“i’m not running with my pack this month. too tired.” bin shrugs, like it’s no big deal, but dongmin can see the hinted strain in his expression. “i told them already, so i’m on my own for this month. unless...?”

“i’ll go,” dongmin says, and it tumbles out of his mouth like a snowball rolling down a mountain, and he fears its size will only grow bigger as the night progresses. it’s too late to take it back, especially when the most delighted grin appears on bin’s face — dongmin can’t say no to that.

it doesn’t take long for dongmin to get ready. he grabs a sweater and a beanie, and after brief pondering a face mask. his bus pass is in his pocket, along with his phone and a mini flashlight in case they’ll need one later — it never hurts to be too prepared. he and bin head to the nearest bus stop, only a block away from their dorm, and wait for their ride to appear. when it does (thankfully empty) they get on, scan their passes, tell the driver where to stop, and go straight for the back seats, dongmin taking the one closer to the window.

dongmin tries not to sound too intrusive as he pulls his mask down to his chin and asks, “does it hurt?” bin looks at him and scrunches his eyebrows. “transforming, i mean. that thing.”

bin’s mouth makes a tiny ‘o’ and he’s eager to explain, “no, not at all! well, when i was a kid, a little. the first transformation doesn’t happen until puberty, when you’re born as a werewolf. can’t say the same for bite-cases, since i don’t know too many. now that i’ve been doing it for so long it just comes naturally, y’know?”

“i see.” dongmin pats his thighs. “that’s... good to hear.” he peers at bin, who looks like an excited student, egging him to ask more. so he does. “how— how do you transform? is it, like, half man and half wolf?”

bin seems to find the inquiry hilarious, laughing hard and nearly tipping forward. dongmin twists his lips and looks down, embarrassed. bin gives him a pat on the knee, but it feels patronizing.

“full moons mean full transformations,” bin says, getting the last of his chuckles out. “werewolves have urges to transform all the time, which are more apparent the more the moon shows. i like having my tail out when i’m bored.”

“oh.” dongmin can’t picture it — bin with a fluffy wolf’s tail. the closest thing that comes to mind is when they’d all worn kigurumis, and bin wouldn’t stop hitting everyone with his tigger tail. he’s not sure how he feels about an orange-colored moon bin.

“you still don’t believe me, do you?”

dongmin’s head snaps up. bin is smiling, halfhearted. “was— was it that obvious?”

“sort of. you don’t seem as curious as the other members. not that that’s a bad thing, but—” bin bites his lip. “it’s fine. you overanalyze everything, so it makes sense that you would have doubts about the validity of werewolves. of me.”

guiltily, dongmin purses his lips. “is that why you wanted me to come along?”

“one of the reasons,” bin responds cryptically. “get ready, we’re almost there.”

the bus stops. bin leads them off and onto a path trailing into the forest. he goes straight ahead, having already familiarized himself with the area, and dongmin follows close behind. dongmin can barely see his hand in front of his face, so he turns on his flashlight and shines it on the damp ground. bin lets out a startled laugh when dongmin mistakenly points it at his face.

“ _hyung_ ,” he says whiningly. he rarely calls dongmin “hyung” anymore; they’ve grown too close and bin has always found it more comfortable to treat him as a same-age friend. whenever he says it, it’s refreshing.

dongmin bites back a grin. “okay, okay. my apologies, moon bin. won’t happen again.”

they keep walking. the trees are high above them, the branches and leaves rustling in the wind. bin stops them when they reach a wide, open field that stretches for almost a mile, dirt and grass and flowers sprouting from the earth. the full moon is completely visible here, a faint ring of light encircling it. bin pushes dongmin from the back until he’s standing in a small patch of dandelions and sits him down cross-legged.

bin takes off his glasses and gives them to dongmin to put in his lap, and then shrugs off his jacket and snapback to do the same. he grasps the bottom of his shirt, hands lifting it enough for dongmin to see a sliver of taut skin, and pulls it over his head. it’s nothing dongmin hasn’t seen before, but he shields his eyes with his hands to protect bin’s privacy (and his own sanity). next are bin’s sweats and lastly bin’s boxers — and, oh god, he’s completely naked, isn’t he?

“dongmin?” bin says, sounding confused. “what are you doing?”

“binnie, you have no clothes on.” dongmin’s voice comes out much meeker than he’d intended, not at all calm and composed like he should be.

“oh, right. right. i don’t want to ruin them.” bin touches dongmin’s hands, covering his eyes, and says quietly, “you can peek through your fingers. i don’t want you to miss me transforming.”

dongmin nods and does just that, having an obscured bin in his vision. bin gazes at him and grins, turning away slightly as he bends forward.

the transformation process is fascinating, horrifying, a never before seen sight dongmin can’t take his eyes away from. dark fur covers all of bin’s body, long limbs changing into sharp-nailed paws. low growls rumble from a mouth that has shaped itself into a muzzle, canine teeth on full display. bin swishes his long tail around, turning and locking eyes with dongmin — those golden irises, the same ones he’d seen two months ago, frantic. dongmin feels himself redden under the scrutiny.

“wow.” dongmin marvels at the beauty in bin’s wolf form, the silver sheen of his fur reflecting the moonlight. his pointed ears flick to the minutest of sounds, from branches cracking to grasshoppers chirping. he stands on four legs and can meet dongmin’s eye-level, large enough to be over twice the size of a normal wolf. and, even though bin is undoubtedly a werewolf, dongmin can’t help but visualize a giant puppy, obediently waiting for its owner’s command.

bin makes a noise, clipped, and tilts his head to the side, ears lax, as if to ask, _is that all you can say?_

dongmin blinks, unconsciously hugging bin’s clothes closer to his chest. “you’re still naked,” he remarks, feigning an accusatory tone. bin snorts, pawing at the ground. “can you talk like this, binnie?”

bin barks. he shakes his body, exhaling, and trots over to dongmin’s side. he sits down, poking dongmin’s arm with his nose.

“i’ll take that as a no,” chuckles dongmin. he pats bin’s head, fur soft to the touch. bin closes his eyes. “wow, you’re so quiet. it’s throwing me off. you can’t tease me anymore.”

huffing, bin gets up and runs off. dongmin wonders if he should follow, but bin stops in the middle of the field, back arched. he howls to the moon, as if singing a song, a grand melody that graces the night. in response to bin’s howl several more cry, loud and proud, echoes from miles and miles away. dongmin silently watches bin gaze at the moon, singing his wolf song.

bin runs around for a while after that, with ridiculously fast speed and agility. back and forth, going laps around the clearing. watching him tires dongmin out, even more so than he already is, so he props his head on his hand to stay upright — except his drowsiness urges him to topple over multiple times.

when dongmin ultimately ends up on the ground, close to slumber, bin appears over him, panting. he claws at his things in dongmin’s lap, and dongmin sleepily hands them over. he doesn’t even care that bin’s going back to his naked human form — dongmin can barely keep his eyes open.

“hey.” it’s bin’s voice, warm and sweet. he’s pulling back on his clothes, fixing his hair and putting back on his hat. he pushes his glasses up, smiling. “let’s go back to the dorm.”

dongmin falls asleep on bin’s shoulder during the ride back, even with all the bumps and stops. he’s sturdy, a little too bony for a pillow, but he smells like the earth, the clouds... he breathes the scent in, tries to memorize it. bin lays his head on dongmin’s, quiet.

when they get back to the dorm bin taps a beat on the back of dongmin’s hand to rouse him, and dongmin blindly takes bin’s hand as a guide. bin pulls him inside the building, making sure his hyung doesn’t pass out in the elevator, and brings him into the dorm. he walks them straight into their room, and dongmin doesn’t think twice before peeling off extra clothes and crawling under his sheets. in doing so, he ends up dragging bin’s hand down and the other boy trips into bed with him, falling onto his side.

“hey, man, this is your bed,” bin laughs quietly. “mine’s up there. you gotta let go.”

“don’t wanna,” dongmin mutters, because he’s tired and his brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning and he loves bin so much he feels like he’s about to burst. “stay.”

bin doesn’t move. dongmin stares at him with heavy-lidded eyes, but it’s too dark to see what kind of expression bin has. he already feels the dread start to build in his gut, the fear, but then bin moves to sit on the edge of the bed, his hand still grasping dongmin’s, and it dispels like the smoke from a candle. dongmin squeezes bin’s hand one more time, just to know he’s there, before he nods off.

they don’t talk about it in the morning, when dongmin wakes up to a cold bed and an empty hand. bin doesn’t act any different, still joking around with the other members as they practice. nothing’s out of the ordinary, and dongmin wants to believe that.

manager asks bin if the full moon went okay. biting his lip, bin says dimly, “i ran away.”

dongmin wants to ask, _from what?_ but myungjun is already teasing bin about rabid woodland creatures and the “big bad wolf who can’t catch a break.” jinwoo laughs the loudest, of course, as myungjun’s #1 fan and motivator.

——

recently appointed as an mc on _show! music core_ , dongmin anxiously bounces his leg as he goes over the script with saeron and soomin before the show. the lineup of artists performing is long, and he has to make sure his tone doesn’t drop too low when he speaks. he’s the cheerful “morning call” of astro — he has a reputation to uphold. even though he’s had the duty of acting as a special mc before, this is his first time being an _official_ mc. he’s sweating bullets under the collar of his brightly colored jacket.

dongmin’s cell phone vibrates loudly on the table, earning surprised glances from the staff, and he pales. he hastily grabs it and puts it on silent, but the screen is still lit from a caller: _moonbinnie_.

“is it urgent?” saeron asks.

“i don’t know.” dongmin smiles amiably, shoving his phone in his pocket. “i’ll ignore it, it’s fine. what else do we need to go over?”

soomin messily tucks a strand of hair behind her ear (her stylist sighs) and she exclaims, “oppa, answer it! we’re good. we’ve gone over the script front and back, _three times_. come back when it’s five minutes ‘til.”

dongmin has to bite his tongue to stop himself from protesting. both saeron and soomin are shooing him away, and the staff aren’t saying anything otherwise. he promises, “this’ll only take a minute,” and ducks out of the room. he takes the call in an empty hallway, voice at a whisper.

“hello?”

“ _hi, dongmin_.” bin’s voice crackles over the phone, like he hasn’t spoken for some time.

dongmin can picture bin, in one of the practice rooms, spinning in a chair as he pretends to be working on lyrics when he’s really reading comics. he can picture bin, drowning in an oversized sweater, gnawing at the end of his pencil as he turns the page. dongmin tries not to dwell on the fantasized image.

“what do you need, binnie?”

bin hums. “ _nothing. that was it._ ” he laughs. “ _just wanted to say hi._ ”

it’s not weird. this is how bin acts when he’s bored or has nothing to do. the other members must be busy with their own agendas, which is probably why he’d dialed dongmin, who doesn’t really like phone conversations. the implication that bin had thought of him at all, though, makes dongmin’s heart pound.

“what, do you miss the sound of my voice?” he tries his best to sound teasing, but it’s difficult when he wants it to be true.

“ _that’s why i’m gonna watch you mc soon_ ,” bin proclaims. “ _i’m streaming from vlive on the ipad. i’ll send as many hearts as i can_.”

“wah, i’m so grateful,” dongmin says, suppressing a grin. “don’t you have to practice?”

“ _hey, haven’t you heard of breaks?_ ”

“and how long have you _been_ on this break?”

“ _beside the point._ ”

they talk for a few more minutes, and dongmin feels himself relaxing at the sound of bin’s voice. he hadn’t realized how stiff he’d been before picking up the phone, now that he’s slouching against the wall with the phone pressed to his ear. bin keeps talking, and dongmin just listens. bin tells him about his day, how sanha nearly broke his neck running into the door, what he had for lunch, where he wants to go next full moon, how he’s put down his comic book because he’s afraid his favorite character will die in the next chapter.

“eunwoo, ten minutes,” a voice calls, one of the program directors, and dongmin whips his head up and bows. “your stylist is calling for you in the waiting room. she wants to fix your makeup before you go on stage.”

“ _is that your cue to go?_ ”

“what? oh, yeah. sorry, binnie, i’ll see you at the dorm.”

“ _you can do it_ ,” bin declares. “ _i’m rooting for you_.”

dongmin glances back at the staff, then at his phone, and smiles. “thank you,” he says, and he wishes he could see if he put a smile on bin’s face, too. he ends the call and jogs back to the waiting room.

saeron is flipping through the script cards as her makeup artist applies her lipstick. “oh, oppa, welcome back. was the call urgent?”

“it was probably his _girlfriend_ ,” teases soomin, kicking her legs from the chair, as her hair gets curled at the bottom. her stylist sighs, which dongmin is starting to notice she does a lot. “he came in here looking so _happy_! all his nerves are out the window!”

dongmin blushes, adamantly denying, “no, that’s not it!” while saeron surmises, “it could’ve been his _mom_.” he’s glad the three of them have good chemistry, because he’s embarrassed to the core but at least he’s not uncomfortable. saeron and soomin are like gossiping little sisters, and dongmin wishes he could try and be more confident to defend himself but, alas, he’s a pushover when it comes to cute girls.

mcing isn’t easy, but dongmin gets through it. he only stutters twice, and he doesn’t drop his customized mike. saeron, who’s been an mc at mbc for months, and soomin, who’s been made famous from hosting _boni hani_ , are at his side and ready to help him if he stumbles. he does all the right gestures, doesn’t get any group’s name wrong, remembers all of his lines. when it’s done, the cameras off, he crouches on the ground and slumps his shoulders.

“you did well, oppa,” soomin assures, patting him on the back before she leaves with her manager. saeron does the same thing, whispering, “fighting!” when she makes her exit.

dongmin wants to call his members, tell them that he’s finished and coming home soon. he checks his phone and is surprised to see it flooded with texts — jinwoo, myungjun, sanha, minhyuk, his parents, classmates, and even seunghwan. nothing from bin, though, but that doesn’t make him disheartened. he knows that bin is rooting for him, always has been, with or without a notification from his phone.

when he returns to the dorm bin is at the door before anyone else, probably having sensed the movement. bin is the first one to hug him, warm arms engulfing dongmin, his head fitting perfectly at dongmin’s shoulder. “lee dongmin,” he whispers, and dongmin wonders if werewolves can hear heartbeats. “you’re the best.”

shortly after the rest of the members come bounding to dongmin. bin breaks away, and all of them are cheering for “astro’s cha eunwoo” making his official mc debut. jinwoo pulls him into a headlock, rubbing at his head, and minhyuk pretends to throw flower petals. sanha screeches, demanding unhealthy junk food to celebrate, and myungjun adds fuel to the fire when he pulls out a chinese takeout menu.

dongmin, just for tonight, pretends that he and his members aren’t on a diet. just for tonight.

——

he’s afraid. god, he’s so afraid.

dongmin grips the edge of the sink and breathes. he has to remember to breathe. it’s three a.m. and he has to remember basic human bodily functions. why? because he’s _freaking out_.

astro is going on an asia tour. it’s great news — the ceo told them personally during practice yesterday, called them into his office and praised them. that’s awesome. astro is going to meet their fans from other countries, perform in front of thousands. dongmin will be cha eunwoo, the man out of the comic books, the master of languages. he’ll be arohas’ shining star, handsome face, eloquent speaker.

but it’s too much. it’s always been too much. _to be continued_ , _OK ready!_ , “meet u project,” after school club, weekly idol, law of the jungle, king of masked singer, hello counselor—

oh, god, he’s not ready to do this.

the tears fall quickly, and he tries to be as quiet as possible, afraid of waking the members. he walks backwards until he hits the wall, back sliding down and sitting on the ground, knees drawn to his chest. dongmin feels like disappearing, falling off the face of the planet, burying himself six-feet under to rid himself of this feeling. he wants to surrender.

the bathroom door opens and dongmin flinches, hiding farther within his fetal position. he can’t be seen like this, not weak, not broken. he hopes it’s not jinwoo, because jinwoo is too caring to let this go. he hopes it’s not sanha, because the maknae still needs to looks up to him. he hopes— he hopes for someone who’ll turn around, ignore the fact dongmin is in the bathroom having a breakdown, and have no recollection of it in the morning.

dongmin doesn’t hope for moon bin, but bin is who he gets.

immediately, bin drops to his knees and wraps his arms around dongmin’s body, strong hold enveloping him with warmth. “i’ve got you, i’ve got you,” he says, placing his chin on dongmin’s head and stroking his hair. “i’m here. you’re gonna be okay. i’ve got you.”

dongmin buries his face in bin’s shirt and sobs, breaths harsh, trembling like the world is about to end. bin doesn’t say a word, rearranges them so dongmin can sit more comfortably between his legs, soothes him with gentle touches. dongmin is tottering over the edge, and bin is the only thing keeping him from tipping.

when dongmin’s able to inhale, exhale, inhale without choking on his tears he rubs at his face and wipes away what he can. he feels safe in bin’s embrace, so he doesn’t move as he croaks, “are we going to pretend that never happened?”

“nope,” bin says, and dongmin makes a distressed sound. “i have to remember so it won’t happen again. it’s learning from your mistakes. my mistake, for not finding you quicker.”

dongmin tightens his grip on bin’s shirt, embarrassed. “i can’t believe i bawled my eyes out in our bathroom,” he mutters.

“is this the first time?” bin asks.

“to this extent — yes.” dongmin purses his lips. “i know i’m a crybaby, but this was a bit much for me.”

“you can’t bottle everything up,” bin chides. “we’re all here. you can talk to us. you can eat ramen with me and minhyukie when we try to work things out. and jinwoo hyung will always listen to you, even if you think it’s something trivial.”

“i know.”

“good.”

dongmin waits for bin to let go and take him out of his arms, but he doesn’t. they stay wrapped together in silence, the sound of bin’s breathing making dongmin feel at ease. and then it occurs to him: “how’d you know i was in here?”

“my werewolf senses were tingling,” hums bin, and dongmin lifts his head to stare at him incredulously. “kidding! well, kind of. i originally wanted to grab some water, but i smelled your scent in here. it was so strong, so i had to see what was wrong.”

dongmin snorts, “and what do i smell like?”

“i’ve said it before,” bin says, shrugging. “you smell like you. you— it’s just you.”

“me,” dongmin repeats airily, and he wonders if that’s a good thing.

——

october’s full moon is going to be beautiful, dongmin can tell by the way the sun is setting so prettily. he gazes at the horizon as he gets out of the van, the other members already going ahead to the dorm. (they’ve gotten off practice early, supposedly to catch up on sleep before tomorrow’s flight, but it’ll probably end with a night of videogames.) bin is talking animatedly with manager, and dongmin fidgets as he waits for them to finish.

bin skips to dongmin and asks expectantly, “are you coming?” he points up, and dongmin realizes he’s talking about his full moon escapade. “i’m going a little farther this time, so manager hyung is driving me there and back.”

“are you meeting with your pack tonight?”

bin nods. he pulls his hood over his head and grins. “they won’t mind. they know you’re my friend.”

“what if—” dongmin looks at his sneakers. “what if they don’t like me?”

“who wouldn’t like you?” bin scoffs, pushing at dongmin’s shoulder. more seriously, he rubs the back of his neck and says, “i haven’t seen them in— in a while, and i. i want moral support.”

that’s how dongmin ends up back in the van, next to bin, losing count of the number of traffic lights they pass. he’d texted the other members that he’d gone with bin and manager, and they hadn’t taken it well — myungjun shot back angry, fire-breathing line stickers. he’s sure that they wanted to come, too, to see bin transform, but bin has only given this opportunity to dongmin. dongmin tries not to think too far into it, focusing on the gradient sky that brings them closer to the night and on bin’s story of accidentally transforming in the shower (“i smelled like wet dog for _days_ ”).

manager drops them off at the edge of the forest and tells them to call when bin is done. no later than four a.m. because it takes an hour to get back to the dorm, astro’s flight is at seven a.m., and the internet café closes at four-thirty. he drives off, leaving bin and dongmin alone in the woods.

again, dongmin follows bin’s calculated steps along the dark path. the area is more rugged than the last, more rocks and roots sticking out from the ground. he reaches out his hand and uses the trees as supports, leaning against them when he has to step over obstacles precariously. bin waits for him, a few steps ahead, whenever he falls behind.

the howling in the distance alarms dongmin, who freezes in place. “was that—”

“yeah, that’s them. that was dad, for sure. we better hurry.” bin reaches his hand out and, hesitantly, dongmin takes it.

bin pulls them through the forest, skillfully avoiding everything dongmin finds himself running into, until they reach a narrow river. there’s a line of flat rocks that cross over to the other side, just barely above the water’s surface. the other side is an open area, with trees dotted here and there. bin glances around, breathes in the air, and lets go of dongmin’s hand.

“this is a good spot. we’ll be running for a while over here, i think,” bin proclaims, kicking at a stone.

dongmin asks timidly, hands clasped together at his navel, “can i greet your pack? it feels rude not to. or is that weird? would i make it weird? i shouldn’t. nevermind, ignore me.”

“lee dongmin, _chill out_. you can, okay?” bin shows off a reassuring smile, pulling his sweater over his head. he looks across the river, squinting. “they’re coming now.”

dongmin expects a parade of golden-eyed and silver-furred werewolves, identical to bin, marching in step or something equally as frightening. he’s pleasantly surprised when he sees no more than a dozen wolves of all different sizes, eye colors, and furs casually heading over to their side of the river. they pad across the water, splashing at one another, and tread through. bin greets them warmly, stroking each werewolf that passes him, and dongmin stands rigidly, unsure of when to speak.

when all the werewolves sit on their hind legs in front of them, bin nudges at dongmin from behind and dongmin hastily bows to each wolf (and nearly makes his back give out). “hello, i’m cha eunwoo. a member of rookie boy group astro, who moonbin is also a member of. this— we all just learned about binnie’s situation recently, so i’m sorry if i’m coming off too forward.”

the werewolves stare silently at him. it’s... very unsettling, more so than a whole crowd of fans anticipating his aegyo. it’s like they’re scrutinizing him under a microscope, determining his composition and worth. he’s not afraid, not at all, but he’s worried he’ll do something wrong.  

bin steps in and bonks the smallest wolf, bronze in color with ice-blue eyes, on the head. “don’t be mean,” he reprimands. “just because _he_ can’t hear you doesn’t mean _i_ can’t.”

dongmin frowns, so bin tells him, “she wasn’t being very nice about your appearance.” bin rolls his eyes at the wolf, who has flopped onto her back and bats her paws. “that’s soo-ah, my younger sister, you know her.”

“oh, soo-ah!” dongmin exclaims. she doesn’t look impressed. “and... everyone else?”

bin introduces the werewolves one by one. there is his family: mom, sister, and dad who’s the pack leader. their furs are different shades of metallic. the other werewolves are from his hometown, relatives or neighbors not related by blood but bound by pack. they have unique colors, too, a myriad of combinations. after bin is done going through the names he strips, handing off his clothes to dongmin, and transforms at a moment’s ease. soo-ah nips playfully at his ears first, when he settles in his wolf form, and his mother licks down his fur.

dongmin bows at the werewolves as they depart. “be safe, everyone,” he proclaims, smiling. bin’s father pauses, but then makes a low growling sound and moves on. bin nuzzles at his hand, and dongmin runs his fingers through his fur one last time before he runs with the rest of the werewolves.

the october moon is, indeed, beautiful as it casts its glow on the bounding werewolves. some run far, past the trees and hills, while others are content rolling in the grass. bin is play-fighting with soo-ah and another werewolf, pouncing and knocking into one another. they yip, they howl, they growl. they’re wolves, and they’re so free-spirited that it stirs an ounce of envy in dongmin’s gut.

if only it could be that easy to let his troubles go, relax and have a good time. dongmin wants to, but there’s always so many worries running through his head — about himself, his group, his place in the world. as he watches the werewolves interact freely he attempts to clear his mind of every negative, harmful, self-deprecating thought. and he sees bin, meets his gaze longingly, and maybe it works.

dongmin accidentally but not unexpectedly dozes off. the sound of the rushing water, coupled with the enchanting howls of the werewolves, was enough to lull him into slumber. he knows he doesn’t sleep for long, but it feels like the most refreshing rest he’s had in a long time. it’s one that makes him want to stay like sleeping beauty, trapped in an eternal slumber until her prince arrives to save her, except he’s the prince and he doesn’t want a princess at his side.

he stirs awake, eyes trying to adjust to the darkness, and realizes he’s not sitting down anymore. he’s being piggybacked by someone — moon bin, the warmth and slope of his shoulders undeniable his. dongmin shifts in bin’s hold, biting his lip.

bin glances back, slowing down his step. “oh, hey, sleepy.” he smiles. “how was your nap? it’s almost three. i haven’t called for manager hyung yet — i was thinking of waiting until we got out of the forest.”

“i’m on your back,” is dongmin’s very intelligent response.

“i didn’t want to wake you,” bin says. he hoists dongmin higher and declares, “i’m not tired at all, i promise. i’ve been reenergized by the moon!”

dongmin can’t tell if bin is serious or joking, but it still draws a laugh out of him. he clasps his arms tighter around bin, securing himself. “do you— do you want to get something to eat before calling manager hyung? i have my wallet on me. we can walk to the nearest food stall, if that’s—” he holds his breath. “if you want.”

bin stops altogether. “hyung.” dongmin’s cheeks warm. “you know me so well.”

after putting dongmin down bin leads them back to civilization. it’s not that far, only fifteen minutes away, and dongmin asks the vendor lady for spicy rice cakes. they don’t eat too much but they talk about bin’s pack, about dongmin’s anxieties, about the state of astro. soon enough it’s way past four, and manager calls the both of them in a frenzy. bin suggests getting him fish cakes to-go and see if that calms him down.

(it doesn’t, but manager appreciates the thought.)

——

myungjun twirls, flipping back his uniform jacket and chattering, “i feel like a high schooler again!”

sanha slaps his own cheeks and exclaims, “but, hyung, you’re so _old_!”

“yah! you punk! take that back!”

after performing the first leg of their asia tour in tokyo, astro is filming for their new music video in japan. the concept is “high school boys straight out of the comic books.” the female protagonist, lee seojeong, draws them when she’s struck with loneliness and they come to life to befriend her. it’s a saddening goodbye when they have to leave — a _confession_ , aptly titled. dongmin thinks the whole idea fits them perfectly.

right now they’re doing twosome shots inside a school gymnasium. it’s minhyuk and jinwoo’s turn, so the rest of the members are fooling around behind the camera. sanha is lifting his arm as high as he can and challenges myungjun to reach it. myungjun, competitive spirit flaring, struggles to even get past sanha’s elbow.

dongmin has just gotten his makeup touched up is about to film with bin, who’s clutching his stomach, laughing, while myungjun tries to scale sanha’s side to touch his hand. dongmin goes to him, bumping shoulders. “how’re you, binnie?”

bin wipes at his eyes, careful not to smudge his eyeliner, and grins. “i’m good,” he replies. “it’s been nice here. the hotel is nice, the showcase was nice, the _onsen_ was nice... the meat in japan tastes different from korea’s.”

dongmin raises an eyebrow. “is that the only food that tastes different?”

“meat is the only thing that matters,” bin declares with finality.

“typical.”

jinwoo and minhyuk finish their shooting, the younger boy slumping onto the floor as the elder announces, “cha eunwoo, moonbin! you’re next!”

bin slaps dongmin’s arm. “that’s us,” he says, stretching. “are you ready?”

there are cameras rolling everywhere. one for the music video, another two for their documentary/reality show. dongmin sees that none of them are pointed in their direction, feels emboldened by the way bin beckons him closer.

dongmin pets bin’s hair, careful caresses, smiling. “ready as i’ll ever be, wolf boy.”

and — no, dongmin can’t be imagining it — bin’s eyes momentarily flicker to that gorgeous golden, the wolf inside him reacting. he reaches out, holds onto the lapel of dongmin’s jacket. “i need to tell you—”

“soap line!” shouts myungjun, now clinging onto sanha’s leg like a koala. “hurry it up! we don’t have all day!”

bin drops his hand and turns around, away from dongmin, walking to the camera crew. “eunwoo, let’s start,” he urges hastily. “we should be quick.”

dongmin blinks several times to regain his senses. he straightens his jacket and puts on his best _cha eunwoo_ smile for the lens, hoping his nervousness doesn’t show (because bin isn’t looking at him with that reassuring smile or giving him that gentle squeeze of the hand). “yeah,” he says, “let’s do this.”

——

tonight, dongmin stays longer at the company building to go over his personal schedule with a group of supervisors. after the asia tour had concluded it was like riding on the crest of a wave, at the top of a high, until astro had to descend back to the world of practice in korea in preparation for the autumn comeback. short-lived, definitely, but it’s the life of an idol — and, to top it off, they’re rookies, too. full breaks aren’t a luxury they can afford just yet.

one of the supervisors drives him home, because manager had gone back to the dorm with the other members a few hours ago. it’s almost eleven, the sky dark, the moon in its waning crescent phase. (he’s studied the moon, enough for him to know the names of the phases and how much of the moon it shows, because bin will let werewolf jargon slip from time to time and dongmin likes knowing what he’s talking about.) he thanks the supervisor when she drops him off, and he scurries inside the building to escape the cold.

he tiptoes into the dorm, noting how all the lights are off except for the one in the kitchen, which means everyone has turned in for the night. he walks to the kitchen, deciding he’ll have a snack before washing up, but he sees a figure on the couch and stops short.

“our moon bin,” he murmurs, moving to kneel beside bin’s head. bin is curled on his side, snoring, clutching tightly onto (dongmin’s) ryan pillow. he looks so _soft_. dongmin runs his fingers through bin’s hair, rearranging his fringe, and lets himself selfishly whisper, “my moon bin.”

it’s almost midnight. moon bin is beautiful, and dongmin wants to tell him that the stars shine for him. dongmin wants bin to know how much he loves him, how it makes his heart pound and blood rush. dongmin wants to carry bin in his arms and set him back in bed, tuck him in and kiss him goodnight. dongmin wants to do a lot of things, but he doesn’t.

why doesn’t he? why can’t he confess to bin, lay out his heart, hope to get bin’s in return? what’s stopping him? there is a truckload of logical reasons, but dongmin knows they’re just excuses.

because he’s a coward. he fears rejection; he fears judgment. he fears what bin might think of him afterwards, if he’ll throw dongmin away and never turn back. he fears the unknown, what lies beyond arm’s reach.

meticulously, dongmin counts bin’s eyelashes, fanned across his cheeks. he sees the acne marks that get covered by layers of foundation and concealer, as well as barely visible scars too faded to see from afar. he presses his palm to bin’s cheek and feels the heat radiating onto his skin. he knows this is bin.

it’s impulsive. dongmin carefully places a feather light kiss on bin’s forehead, then on bin’s nose, then on bin’s cheek. he wants to stay in this moment of pretend. he wants to believe bin loves him, too.

bin begins to awaken, slowly, and dongmin recoils. the second he cracks open his eyes he calls out, “dongmin, what’re doin’?”

“i’m sorry, nothing, go back to sleep,” rambles dongmin, laughing nervously. he gets to his feet and lightly pats bin’s shoulder. “sleep in your bed, binnie. this’ll hurt your back.”

bin nods his head and slowly takes a stand. “i saved you food. in the fridge,” he yawns. he smiles sleepily. “if you’re hungry. it’s cold noodles.”

“thanks, binnie,” dongmin says. “goodnight.”

“g’night.” bin shuffles to their room, hugging the pillow to his chest, and shuts the door behind him.

and then dongmin proceeds to internally combust, all system shutdown, steam smoking out of his ears. he takes the bowl of cold noodles out of the fridge and practically inhales it, too flustered to even chew properly. it’s delicious, but that’s not the problem here. the real problem?

dongmin rakes his fingers down his face, which is burning hot, and groans, “what did i just _do_?”

——

skillfully— well, as skillfully as a member of a promoting boy group who’s with his other members nearly every hour of the day, dongmin avoids confronting bin about the kiss(es). he’s not even sure bin, who was in a drowsy stupor, is even aware of what he’d done. it could’ve been a misty dream or an erasable moment, in bin’s mind, but in dongmin’s—

it was a mistake. he hadn’t even asked for _permission_. consent is the most important agreement for things like— like kissing your fellow group mate while he’s sound asleep.

oh, god, he’s horrible.

dongmin has to make it right. he has to apologize. he has to tell bin, except the timing is all wrong. comeback preparations are in full swing. there’s no time to themselves. it’s wake up, eat, dance practice, vocal practice, dance practice, eat, sleep. any time dongmin sees a chance, bin is already knocked out and dead to the world.

and, before he knows it, astro is already performing their comeback stages, setting up fan meetings, doing interviews. the one day of the month they get off the comeback schedule early is for the bin’s sake, so they’re all together in the main practice room as they wait for the sun to set. even now it’s not the right time, because everyone is here and dongmin’s apology should come in private.

also, today bin is acting... odd. all the members are taking a short breather, the majority lying on the ground or wiping sweat from their necks. dongmin, sitting against the wall, watches as bin anxiously paces around the area, biting his nails and looking up at the ceiling, spinning on his heel as he passes the corners.

“why are you so jumpy?” minhyuk asks, grimacing when bin _literally_ jumps three feet into the air. “i know it’s the full moon and all, but seriously. you’re hyper. more hyper than myungjun hyung!”

“hey!” myungjun asserts, while jinwoo snorts, “you got that right.”

“it’s—” bin freezes in place. he ruffles his hair and jumps again, shouting, “it’s the _super_ moon!”  he covers his mouth, much like a child would do when they say a bad word. “i’m too loud, i can’t help it. i have too much energy. this is _huge_. oh my god, are my eyes turning gold?”

jinwoo grabs bin’s face, sticking out his tongue in concentration as he squints at bin’s eyes. “actually, a little bit,” he says, mildly surprised. “is that a werewolf thing? oh, whoa, ears.”

bin’s hands grapple at his wolf ears atop his head and he whines, “i can’t believe this.”

“tail’s out, too,” minhyuk points out, nonchalant.

irritated, bin swats him with it. “ _shut up_ ,” he growls. he fans himself with his hands and mutters, “i need to do some jumping jacks.”

while bin singlehandedly turns the practice room into a gym, sanha shoots his hand in the air and asks, “excuse me! what’s a ‘supermoon’? how’s that different from a normal moon?”

“it’s when the moon’s elliptical orbit brings it to its closest approach to earth, when the moon is also full,” myungjun answers, to everyone’s bewilderment. they gape openly — even bin, who’s stopped doing sit-ups to frown at him. “what?”

“that was... unexpected,” dongmin says placatingly. “not your average kim myungjun knowledge.”

myungjun folds his arms and huffs, “so i looked it up! sue me.” jinwoo pats him on the back.

“the supermoon won’t happen for another, like, _twenty years_ ,” bin emphasizes, rolling onto his stomach. glaring at his reflection in the mirror, with his tail poking out from his pants and his ears flopped down, he moans, “i’m a total mess. my dad’s gonna kill me. actually, my mom’s gonna kill me.”

jinwoo frowns. “why on earth would they do such a thing?”

“i smell like a piece of wilted lettuce,” bin sighs.

myungjun purses his lips like a duck, hands on his hips. “am i the only one who didn’t understand that?” the maknae line express the same confusion. “okay, good. for a second there i thought i was having a stroke.”

bin continues to roll on the floor, going around in circles, until minhyuk throws his hat at him and asks, “are you disappearing for the night soon? the sun’s going down.”

tracing the logo on the hat, bin’s ears twitch as he replies, “yeah. instead of just my pack, basically all the werewolves in the area are going to congregate in one place. there’s at least two hundred.” he hides his face in his arm. “i’ll leave alone and meet with others along the way. i’ll take the bus.”

dongmin swallows down a lump in his throat. he’s enjoyed going with bin on his werewolf outings, but this time he’s not tagging along. it’s unfortunate. he doesn’t know what to say, so he stays silent. he wishes bin had told him earlier, but that’s hypocrisy at its finest. dongmin can’t properly communicate with bin — why should bin be held to a higher standard than that?

bin puts on minhyuk’s hat, careful of his ears, and tucks his tail back in his pants. “this is my goodbye,” he announces, grinning. “see everyone in the morning.”

sanha waves with his outstretched leg. “have a good time, hyung! howl and all that other wolfy stuff!”

bin leaves the room, taking his jacket on the way out. there’s a split second decision that crosses dongmin’s mind, seeing bin go. he’s not sure why he’s driven to get up, not sure what makes him chase after bin in the next moment. dongmin follows after him, hoping to find a solution to a problem he’s desperate to solve.

dongmin catches bin by the wrist before he makes it out the front doors of the building. “moon bin,” he says, panting (gosh, there are too many stairs). bin waits for him to go on, blinking at him, puzzled. “you— i’ll wait for you. until you get back home, i’ll be waiting. i need to talk to you.”

“hyung,” bin says, and he’s dazed. his jaw is clenched, biting back words. he pulls his wrist from dongmin’s grip and declares firmly, “don’t,” before sprinting away. dongmin is left speechless.

back in the practice room, everything passes by in a blur. the members don’t ask what he’d gone to bin for. they continue practicing, one spot empty. manager drives them back to the dorm at ten, so they have enough time to wash and get some sleep before tomorrow’s full schedule. dongmin volunteers himself to shower last, and no one objects. (it’s a penalty to shower last anyway.)

after he’s finished, hot water calming his nerves, he sits on the couch and waits. he turns on the tv, muted, so he can focus on something. the lighted screen does nothing for him, though, colorful pixels unable to capture his attention.

he’s waiting for bin, even after he’s been told not to. he wants to talk. he wants to discuss what’s the matter. he wants to lie and say he’s not in love with bin, not in the slightest, so they should be able to act as they always have — as friends, a platonic relationship, nothing beyond that.

 _11_. dongmin waits for as long as he can, the clock dragging past the hours.

 _12_. his feet are freezing cold, but he’s afraid bin will walk through the door the moment he goes to grab a blanket.

 _1_. there are too many shoes scattered in the foyer. someone is bound to trip over them one day, so dongmin rearranges them by member.

 _2_. the shopping network has interesting deals. would manager let them have a turbo blender?

 _3_. dongmin is fighting to keep his eyes open. he resists the urge to count sheep, tries to conjure the image of racing wolves. bin is the most beautiful wolf. bin is more than just a wolf, more than just a man — he’s dongmin’s everything, and dongmin can’t stand this feeling of emptiness.

 _4_.

 

 _5_.

 

 _6_.

 

 _7_. the tv is off and there’s a blanket on top of dongmin when manager shakes him awake. for some reason he wants to cry.

——

“you need to stop.”

dongmin looks up from his melon bread, where jinwoo is standing above him, bare face stern. “but this is only my first one,” he murmurs. it’s his before-bed-snack, eaten while huddled on the sofa, while everyone else is getting ready to sleep.

“no, not your bread. i’m talking about—” jinwoo pinches the bridge of his nose, “—you and binnie. you’re being weird. and that needs to stop.”

“oh.”

jinwoo arches an eyebrow. “yeah, _oh_.”

“i’m...” dongmin stares at the bite he’s made in his bread. admittedly, he hasn’t been as close to bin as normal. it’s harder than ever to, now, because it feels like a cruel punishment after an unspoken rejection. the members must’ve easily picked up on his strange behavior, given how bin hasn’t made any attempts to approach him either. however, dongmin still wants to find time to apologize to bin for what’d he done. even if he cries trying.

eventually.

“i’m working on it,” he concludes, hushed, shoving the rest of the bread in his mouth.

“look, dongmin,” jinwoo begins, sitting beside him. “we — me and the members — love you. we’re your teammates, your friends. we love you, and we love binnie. we all got through bin telling us he’s a _werewolf_ , for crying out loud! do you know how ridiculous that sounds to the normal human being!?” dongmin, nodding, snickers. “seriously. we’ve been through alot, and it takes its toll on each and every one of us. i’ve talked to binnie, so has minhyukie, and he’s... bin is scared.”

dongmin frowns. “of what?” jinwoo doesn’t give him a verbal answer, instead lightly pushing dongmin’s leg. “wait, me? he’s scared of _me_? why?”

“i don’t think it’s right for me to say that he’s afraid of _you_ , per se,” jinwoo proclaims, though that declaration is an answer in itself. “he’s gonna bite me into another species if i step over the boundary... not sure where his boundary is.” he smiles. “that’s your job to find out.”

“what should i do?” dongmin implores. he hasn’t known what to do. if he did, he would’ve done something by now. he has all these hypothetical scenarios, yet he can’t act on them because he doesn’t know how to go about it. every outcome he imagines is a bad one that leaves a burnt taste on his tongue, and he’s at a loss for words and actions that could mend what’s broken.

“talk. settle things.” jinwoo claps dongmin on both shoulders, shaking him as he declares, “whatever you’re thinking, _stop_. just feel. don’t try to make your head do all the decision-making.” dongmin makes a face. “it’s easier said than done, but i believe in you. follow your heart. it’ll lead you to good places.”

“cheesy.”

jinwoo wipes his mouth and pounds his chest with a fist. “i try.” he winks, very unnecessarily. “good luck, bud. you can do it.” he goes to his own room, leaving dongmin alone with his thoughts.

dongmin steels himself for a twister. he’s going to do this. bin is in the room right now, the light peeking from the cracks under the door. it doesn’t matter what he’s doing, because dongmin is going to finally settle things. with a shaky heart, dongmin goes in.

“i’m sorry for— for being weird.” dongmin winces at how loud his voice sounds. bin stares at him, glasses falling off his face and holding a comic book, as he rolls over to the ledge of the top bunk. “i don’t want us to be weird,” he goes on, softer.

“who says anyone’s being weird?” bin asks coolly, but there’s a subtle tremor in his voice, an uncertainty.

dongmin presses, “ _i_ do. and, well, everyone else apparently.” he climbs up to bin’s bed and sits against the wall, and bin comes beside him, leaving a large gap between them. “i want to be honest with you, binnie.”

“you can tell me anything,” bin says, offering a weary smile.

maintaining eye contact is difficult, so dongmin stares at his lap as he draws hangul characters on his palm. “the other night, when i came back late...” he makes it halfway through the alphabet. “i kissed you. n-not on the lips, if that’s what you were wondering. but still! it was wrong and uncalled for, so i’m sorry. so, _so_ sorry.”

the silence stretches long. dongmin, red-faced, lets his apology linger in the air for bin to process it. bin must be thinking of ways to curse at him, to scold or demean, and dongmin doesn’t blame him. this is coming out of nowhere after all. how else would he react?

after dongmin has written the korean and japanese alphabets twice, bin speaks, barely above a whisper, “why would you do that?”

“because i love you,” dongmin says. _it’s too late to turn back now_. “i wanted to tell you. and— and i don’t know. that’s all. i’ve loved you for as long as i can remember. i’m completely head over heels for you, but that doesn’t make it okay for me to do things like that. i’m not excusing myself.” he tries to laugh, to ease the awkwardness, but it comes out more like a mouse’s squeak. “you don’t have to— to say anything back. if this doesn’t— if you don’t— that’s okay, i’m fine—”

“do you remember,” bin cuts him off, and he’s not looking at dongmin, gaze faraway, “the day sanha asked me all about werewolves?”

dongmin nods. that seems so long ago, though it had only been a few months since they’d discovered bin’s secret. their whole group dynamic feels the same, yet different. changed. like the rearrangement of furniture, where all the pieces have always been there, but the positions bring about an entirely new perspective.

“i talked about imprinting,” bin continues. “an unbreakable bond. finding your partner for life. almost all werewolves experience it, whether they want to or not.” he chances a glance at dongmin. “do you remember what i said when it happens with humans?”

“that it’s hard. on both the werewolf and the human,” dongmin recalls. he knows he’d written in his notebook, marking it with red ink. “the reason being... because they don’t have that spiritual werewolf-werewolf connection.”

taking off his glasses, bin smiles. “well,” he says liltingly. he rubs at his eyes, and his hands come away damp. “guilty.”

dongmin’s stomach sinks. the world is put off kilter, a few degrees from its axis. he’s thought of this, too. bin not being able to be with him because he already belongs to someone else. the thought makes him even more unattainable, and dongmin feels like a fool.

“with who?” dongmin asks because he’s bin’s best friend, not because he wants to know who has bin’s heart. he’s already lost faith.

bin moves closer, close enough for him to take dongmin’s hand in his. he interlaces their fingers together like he’s done countless times before. it feels so _right_. he lifts his face and beams, “who else?” and only then does it click.

time stops. dongmin can’t believe it. reciprocation wasn’t an outcome he predicted. he couldn’t have. he squeezes his hand, to see if he’s dreaming, but bin squeezes back firmly, proving him wrong, and yet—

“really?” he whispers. “are you sure it’s me you want?”

“it’s always been you,” bin proclaims, eyes glassy. “you’re my forever.”

“binnie.” if bin is tearing up, dongmin is definitely going to cry. dongmin tries to hold it in, but to no avail.

“i— i don’t know if you want to be,” bin stammers, wiping away dongmin’s tear trails with his thumb. “but i’ll always be yours. no matter what. even if one day, way down the line, you wake up and don’t want to be with me anymore—”

“that could never happen,” dongmin assures, completely serious. (he sniffles, and it briefly ruins the moment.) “the space in my heart is reserved for a werewolf.”

bin laughs, “there are lots of werewolves in the world.”

“there’s only one moon bin that fits,” counters dongmin, and he gestures to their intertwined hands. bin’s grin spreads wider, defeated, but it also gets dongmin thinking. “why didn’t you tell me sooner? that— that you imprinted on me.”

“how would you have reacted to, ‘hey, i’m going to be bonded to you for the rest of my life, regardless of your opinion of me, try not to be super creeped out’ as a first impression?” dongmin remains blank. “yeah, thought so. see, i didn’t want to force anything. i was already accepting my fate as a werewolf who’d live in suffering, which sounds terrible now that i think about it. also, you’re too good for me, lee dongmin.” bin juts out his lower lip and shushes dongmin when he tries to object. “and, hey, i could ask the same to you.”

“what do you mean?”

“if you loved me ‘as long as you could remember’,” bin starts, doing air quotes with his free hand, “why not say anything?”

dongmin sniffles. “i... was selfish. i was afraid i would ruin my position,” he confesses. “as a trainee, as a member of astro. as a friend. i didn’t want to put my burden on you.”

bin tugs on dongmin’s hand until it’s at his mouth, where he presses a soft kiss on the skin. “was that okay?” he asks, and dongmin nods. “you and your feelings would never be a burden for me. i’ll gladly take them on, like a knight in shining armor. my role in life is to protect you.”

“thank you,” dongmin says. he sighs, content, “i really love you.”

“i didn’t hear that.” bin peers from beneath his bangs, smiling wryly. “say it again.”

dongmin blushes from his head to his toes. he refuses to give in to bin’s teasing, taking refuge under the blanket to hide his face. bin takes the opportunity to shut off the lights and then climb in with dongmin, his warmth surrounding dongmin on this cold winter’s night. bin is the best human— _werewolf_ heater. (dongmin, although he’s taller, likes being the little spoon.)

eventually dongmin does say it again, a few hours into the night, after he’s asked bin if it’s okay to kiss him. bin kisses him first and murmurs a drowsy, “love ya, too” before knocking his forehead against dongmin’s shoulder and going back to snoozing.

this is nice.

——

weekly idol. it’s the one variety show that defines idols, introduces and injects them with the skills to be long-lasting. astro has been on it once before, with 4ten and knk, and won themselves an mvp certificate — essentially for doing the most jumps in jump rope, but an award’s an award. the atmosphere back then had been unimaginable, all the rookies loud and greedy for airtime. with astro alone, they’d come with doubts whether they could be as fun and lively.

the worries had been reasonable, but filming is conducted with gusto. they reenact their individual introductions from _OK ready!_ , they pretend to walk the runway, they dance to _confession_ flawlessly. it’s all laughs and cringiness during the opening, an odd yet thrilling combination. they move on to the first look at their profiles, and it’s all a mess.

they start with the leader jinjin — time turns back to a jurassic era roleplay with him as the cameraman, and hyungdon and defconn are dumbfounded at his attempts of humor. next, eunwoo gets rightfully embarrassed doing impressions and aegyo. rocky dances, what he does best, and fails at holding a handstand for more than ten seconds.

then they get to moonbin’s profile, and they investigate his “memory of smells.” with moonbin equipped with a bunny blindfold, the studio is in an uproar as he correctly guesses the scents of all the members, seconds after sniffing them. he struggles briefly when hyungdon and defconn are added to the mix, “rubber” and “sour” respectively, but that just makes it more entertaining. when the blindfold comes off the hosts have nothing but praise for his unusual skill.

onto mj. he’s full of smiles, proving his nickname as the “smile engine” true. hyungdon chugs him through his wide array of talents: a relay of impersonations, his animal impressions, his aegyo set. he’s an idol made for this kind of variety. last but not least, sanha’s role is astro’s guitarist. they’ve prepared a girl group medley with his accompaniment, which fails once (because of jinjin’s product placement pun) but succeeds on the second try. and, since sanha amends that he knows how to blow a balloon and bubblegum now, his profile as does the show end cleanly.

afterwards, astro stays to take photos and thank the staff. manager passes out small energy drinks, because as a rookie group they need to maintain a good impression to all broadcasting companies. they leave in good spirits, and they get into the van with relief bleeding out of their bodies.

with the cameras turned off, they lose their idol personas and dongmin feels like himself again. he climbs into the backseat, jinwoo and bin sitting on either side of him. bin takes dongmin’s hand immediately into his lap and massages it, the motions familiar and relaxing. the younger bunch, plus myungjun, sit in the middle row. manager meets dongmin’s eyes from the rearview mirror, as if checking on him, and then starts the car.

manager is the only one in fantagio who knows that bin has imprinted — on _dongmin_ , no less. it’s a sensitive and touchy subject for bin, and werewolves in general, so he’s not overly strict with bin and dongmin’s relationship. the moment he’d found out, the day after dongmin’s confession, he made sure to discuss the ground rules with them. the most notable: no public displays of affection, shortened curfew by an hour on non-full moon nights, and the door to their room should always be wide open. other than that, dongmin and bin can act like they usually do.

the other members had learned of bin’s imprinting, too, but at a later date. it had taken a few days to notice, with ongoing promotions and whatnot. minhyuk had been the one to ask them, during some downtime in the waiting room, if there was a _thing_ happening. it felt wrong to keep it from their team, so dongmin and bin told them when they got back to the dorm. (jinwoo shed a few happy tears, like a proud parent sending his children off to marriage.)

so car rides are good. there’s no more romantic tension, which myungjun informed them existed very pungently(?). sanha asks a ton of questions still, from new movies to what’s for dinner to werewolf culture to girl group releases. as they ride back to the fantagio building minhyuk starts the conversation, craning around to narrow his eyes at bin.

“was that really the truth, hyung? our scents? is that how your werewolf nose does it?”

“roughly,” bin says.

“go more into detail,” minhyuk pleads. “hyung, i am not satisfied knowing i smell like _seafood_.” sanha snorts.

bin takes some time to think about it. “the shore,” he begins. “the sizzling of the waves against the sand, the salt that you can taste in the air. whenever the fish breach the surface, fins flapping and tails turning, that rush of excitement that gets to you. seashells, not the ones you string on a necklace but the ones you can hear the ocean out of. that’s what you smell like.” he shrugs. “scents are abstract for me.”

while everyone is left in awe at bin’s description myungjun hits the headrest of the chair and yelps, “me! do me!” he flips back his hair, scoffing, “i didn’t even _drink_ green tea today.”

“hyung, it’s like...” bin takes longer, frowning as he tries to put thoughts into words. “healing. like when you make honey-ginger tea with a squeeze of lemon, and it tastes bitter but the effect is worth it. like baths drawn in porcelain tubs, flower petals floating in the steaming water. green tea soothes the jitters away.”

“gosh,” jinwoo marvels. “binnie, you have to write more lyrics for the next album.”

bin shyly ducks his head, and dongmin swoops down to kiss at his crown. minhyuk whistles, and myungjun gags.

“hey, what about defconn hyung and hyungdon hyung?” sanha asks, since he’s not keen on knowing what exactly his scent of _baby_ entails. “is there anything deep with their smells?”

“defconn hyung was like, uh, fruit. sour fruit. grapes, oranges, lemons... hyungdon hyung reminded me of those cars that drive by, too fast and burning rubber.” bin bites back a smile as he continues, “y’know, because he seemed a bit _tired_.”

jinwoo guffaws, pleased with the response, slapping at his thigh. myungjun pokes at his side and declares, “ _this_ is why we can’t tell jokes in public.”

even when manager proclaims, “i liked it,” myungjun refuses to acknowledge the wittiness of astro’s werewolf.

later, as they’re curled on the couch at home, dongmin also verbalizes his curiosity for what a _normal smell_ actually means to a werewolf, to which bin happily replies, “you smell like the earth, the sea, the clouds, the stars — and you smell a whole bunch like me, but i can’t say that on tv.”

dongmin wraps himself even tighter around bin’s waist, relieved.

——

when december’s moon comes around everyone in the dorm sees off dongmin and bin. manager tells them to stick to curfew, returning no later than one a.m. — they have a pre-recording in the afternoon, so they can have a nap when they return. sanha asks if they can say hi to the pack for him, while jinwoo fusses with their coats.

“i’ll be taking it off anyway, hyung,” huffs bin, but he still lets jinwoo tighten the ends of his scarf. “and sure, sanha, everyone likes you already.”

sanha snaps. “nice!”

jinwoo pulls dongmin’s zipper to his chin, almost catching the skin there. “whoops, sorry.” dongmin laughs. “hey, you have to be bundled up properly, too.”

“i know,” dongmin says. “thanks, hyung.”

“don’t go chasing after squirrels, wolfy,” minhyuk jokes, hitting bin’s arm.

bin rolls his eyes. “i wouldn’t dream of it.”

“yeah, since binnie’s dreams are solely about dongmin,” myungjun teases. bin reddens. “wait, seriously? how romantic.”

flushing pink, dongmin takes bin by the hand and announces, “we’ll be going now! gotta catch the bus. ha ha, wouldn’t want it to leave without us.”

“don’t forget about your handwarmers!” myungjun reminds.

“make good choices!” shouts sanha, and minhyuk slaps him on the back.

dongmin and bin go on the same route as they had on their october trip. there’s snowflakes falling on the ground, puddles of water turned ice. they stick close together in their seats, dongmin basking in bin’s warmth.

bin had told dongmin that he’d wanted to introduce him to the pack again — this time as his imprinted partner. before, bin had failed to inform dongmin that the werewolves could smell bin’s imprinting from the very beginning, but they couldn’t determine whom he’d imprinted on. when bin had brought dongmin last time, all the wolves could finally tell. they could smell it on dongmin, which is why most of them were wary. human imprinting is a concept not unheard of, but it’s never occurred in bin’s pack — it has a negative connotation.

dongmin wants to prove them wrong. it’s given him hope. he can’t imagine a life without bin. two halves of a whole. everything just... feels like it’s in the right place. if werewolves can have soulmates, shouldn’t humans have them, too?

when they get to the forest, bin walks with dongmin onto the untouched path laden with snow. the footsteps they leave behind press into the ground, two sets coinciding as they go deeper into the woods. bin likes to swing dongmin’s hand back and forth, talking animatedly with a gleam in his eye, about whatever comes to his mind as dongmin listens. dongmin talks, whenever he’s comfortable, and then bin listens. (sure, it sounds boring, but it’s _them_.)

“transforming between human and wolf on the full moon is a very symbolic ritual,” bin hums. “when a werewolf transforms, no one should be able to see it except their partner — their mate. that’s why i let you. it’s tradition.”

“lucky me,” dongmin muses. “my mate turns into a pretty wolf.”

bin leans in and kisses dongmin’s cheek. “my mate is a pretty human, so i’m a lucky one, too.” fortunately, dongmin’s face heating up helps him fend off the cold better.

bin’s transformation is as beautiful as dongmin remembers. this time, dongmin gets to run his fingers through bin’s fur, which is soft and silky. bin grumbles softly, tongue peeking out from his mouth. dongmin places a kiss atop bin’s head, right between his ears, and they go to meet the pack.

the werewolves are howling when they come into sight, noses pointed to the moon. dongmin recognizes bin’s father immediately, golden fur and large stature. the other wolves surround them, sitting like they had when they first met dongmin. bin paws at his ankles, butts his head against his knee, and dongmin takes a deep breath.

“hello,” he starts, hands trembling but standing tall, “i’m— i’m lee dongmin. i’m a member of rookie boy group astro, i love moon bin until the ends of the earth, and—” he falls onto the ground when soo-ah jumps onto his chest, licking his cheek, and laughs, “—i hope i can be welcomed here.”

the full moon is bright, and the sky is clear. dongmin sees golden eyes across a crowd of wolves and knows that he’s in the right place.

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  -credit @[asterocky](http://asterocky.tumblr.com/post/151291454300/smooth-bin-real-smooth), a quality astro blog
> 
> -title taken from [healing" by 17](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZD5m9K8hxk), with a special s/o to [victon's "i'm fine"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHJB_Zbn-lQ) for being my first choice for basically embodying this fic except the lyrics didn't fit nicely :(  
> -completely inspired by moonbin's eccentric sense of smell (see: [the immigration](https://youtu.be/YHrO6XaPTNE?t=5m39s), [weekly idol](https://youtu.be/3t-CBnNGUhk?t=34m55s))  
> -this was a 1 a.m. idea that was supposed to be a drabble. i mean, i should've kept it under 3k, but look where we are now....... not at 3k that's for sure. and when i realized this was gonna be a serious 10k+ longfic it was already too late to take back lapslock lmao  
> -like half of the nonau stuff is inaccurate, lets call it creative liberty... i.e. changed some dates, have no idea how kpop behind the scenes works, etc. etc.  
> -also since this is a longfic & i didnt have anyone beta read this (when do i ever have a beta lol) mistakes are definitely in here, my bad if u spot them  
> -i use a lot of italics and figurative language, and i'm my own worst critic, i'm also a horrible person but idk what that has to do w/ my writing skills  
> -okay okAY I REALLY LOVE THIS FIC HONESTLY THO I REALLY LOVE BINU I REALLY LOVE ASTRO  
> -ALSO IF U READ THIS FAR I LOVE U 2  
> -and, lastly, see me @[tumblr](http://whateverbroski.tumblr.com/) and call me out for how much i suck, thnx 4 reading dis


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